The Mormon Death Waltz
author name withheld for obvious reasons
In 1974 while serving as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter Day Saints I was contacted by a former preisthood leader in my home
Stake. He was in my area and had gotten permission to visit with me...
What he proposed during that meeting changed my life...
As I was later to learn he worked full-time for an agency of the CIA.
During our conversation that day he asked if I loved the Lord. He asked if
I wanted to serve my country.
I blindly told him yes.
He told me that he worked for an Intelligence Agency of the Federal
Government and that if I agreed to train with them they would help me out on
my Mormon mission and pay for my schooling once I got home.
I asked him what they wanted me to do...
He told me that it would be just like serving an LDS mission. He smiled. I
told him yes.
Then I asked him why they had chosen me.
He pulled out a copy of my Patriarchal blessing...
He pulled out a copy of my missionary application papers.
He pulled out copies of my school and university records.
I asked him where he had gotten all this...
He then pulled out a copy of my language aptitude scores that all potential
LDS missionaries had to take.
He told me that my score was incredible...
He told me that he could make my patriarchal blessing come true and fulfill
all of my dreams through service to my God and Country with his agency.
I asked him what agency it was.
He told me that it is loosely called the Solutions Group.
He told me that it was a sub agency of the CIA.
He told me that every single contract employee of that agency was a returned
missionary who had served around the world in a foreign land.
How could I have been so lucky I thought.
Truth - I was rather stupid...
I would give anything to not have had to go through that hell.
If you choose to get to know me you will find out that I trained with that
agency every single month for the next ten years. In 1985 I completed my
traning and began working one weekend a month in Northern Europe for the
The only thing that I did was industrial espionage on behalf of the CIA.
The work was addictive.
When I was young I had a clear definition of what is right and what is
Working with the solutions group I kept getting closer and closer to that
black line that separates good and evil.
By 1991 that line had completely disappeared...
When my partner was killed my life was shattered.
At that point I began to reflect on what I had been doing.
I thought about all of the lives of good research scientists and other
business leaders in Scandanavia and Northern Europe that I had ruined
When I finished my training I met with an LDS general authority in the SLC
Temple and was taken into a sealing room.
During that interview my calling and election was made sure.
I was also given the blessing of Nephi.
In that blessing I was told again the story of Nephi and Laban from the Book
I was told that whatever I had to do to achieve my mission objective was
okay in the eyes of the Lord.
I believed it all...
After my partner died I started to not believe.
I started refusing to take any more assignments.
I was threatened.
I was counseled by my LDS superiors.
And in February of 1994 I was severely hurt by them.
I had three cervical discs ruptured, three lumbar discs ruptured, my right
optical orbit fractured, and most of my eye muscles tore loose...
Seventeen surgeries and almost 4 years later I found myself broke. As a
contract operative I was not covered by any Federal health care policy. My
private health insurance cancelled me after my first surgery...
I liquidated my assets, sold my house, robbed my children's LDS missionary
funds and ended up declaring bankrupcy with almost 1.7 million dollars of
medical bills unpaid.
Desperate for money I finally accepted one more job...
But that job in Sweden for the CIA turned into a nightmare.
I was arrested during an operation and charged and convicted of Industrial
Espionage, and weapon, arms, and munition Federal violations...
And, I was a guilty as hell.
Eight months later... eight months of never ending hell... eight months of
having SAPO - Sweden's version of the CIA - driving me crazy - trying to get
me to tell how we worked our industrial espionage game in Sweden I finally
came to a realization that my entire life up to that point had been serving
What I had done to Sweden was wrong...
At that point I vowed that I would do anything possible to repent... I told
them everything except for the names of the individual Swedes that we worked
with to meet our objectives...
Magically at that time I was released...
When I got home I told my wife everything, about the murder, about the
blackmail that I had done...
She asked me for a divorce...
She wouldn't let me see my own children...
I thought about suicide... but I knew that my life was still worth living...
If you were to look at my face would would see several long jagged scars...
Those were given to me courtesy of the very same LDS preisthood leader who
had originally hired me.
They had realized that I had talked in Sweden...
I had shut down all industrial espionage done by the returned Mormon
missionaries like myself who worked part-time for the CIA.
I was offered at that time a shot at redemption...
I was offered a full-time position at LDS security...
They were going to have me do my same magic on behalf of the LDS Church.
I was told that ex members of the FBI and the CIA were hand picked to bribe,
blackmail, and extort government officials, city planners, and world leaders
who stood in the way of the LDS Church's missionary expansion or temple /
church building program...
Since that time I have been blackballed by every single priesthood leader.
I have never once missed attending church, but I have never once during the
past three years been home taught, been assigned as a home teacher, asked to
give a Church talk, asked to have a church calling, etc.
I became a pariah...
Today is January of 2002.
I have recently remarried to a wonderful woman.
I have been denied by my Church leaders the priviledge of a temple wedding.
I have just moved into a new ward.
Tonight I talked with the Bishop and told him that I believe with my whole
heart in the Gospel of Mormonism, but I have no faith in the Church
organization as a business...
For work I do marketing for a very large 50 state legal firm.
I also write.
I love to write.
But, I don't do any fiction.
I have fasted and prayed and together with my wife feel that I need to tell
The LDS Church is selecting it's best foreign serving American missionaries
and giving them to the CIA.
All we do at the Solutions Group is Industrial espionage.
It's a horrible business...
Lives are destroyed.
Families are ruined.
Good people are blackmailed and forced to steal from the industries that
their Country needs to survive and grow.
I have no problem writing...
But, I need support and fellowship.
If I tell the story truthfully my wife and I are both sure that we will be
When I was asked to work full-time doing profiling and arbitration for the
LDS Church in 1998 I was told the true story of the government officials
whose lives were blackmailed and forced to support the construction of the
Denver temple. I was also told the same story about getting the San Diego
temple approved. I was also told the same story about countries that were
forced by blackmail to allow LDS missionaries to serve there...
The story in the Book of Mormon of Nephi and Laban is wrong.
My God would never agree to murder to get some brass plates.
The end does not justify the means.
I just don't have scars on my face and chest... I have a lot of them inside.